The one where I curse, somebody gets uncomfortable, and I don’t really apologize

I’m going through the process of sharing old posts that were written but never published, for one reason or another. This one is from 2020.

For years now I’ve had this little flurry of an idea to start an anonymous blog entitled “The Ex-Pastor’s Wife.”

The premise is this:

It would be an enchanting little outlet to vent and complain about the unjust, ungodly, and unloving things that I learned and experienced while working in church ministry myself and then becoming a “pastor’s wife.”

I’ve never started the blog because each time I’ve considered it, it was in a moment of deep frustration or anger, and I felt like I might regret it later on.

Surprising, I know..

With a blog name like that I’m sure most of you were expecting it to be grace-laced with light and love and rainbow unicorns.

Let me pause and interject an important thought here though because some who read this may become instantly defensive and have their feathers ruffled.

I’ve met some of the most loving, wise, creative, and generous mirrors of Jesus within the walls of a church building. I’m grateful to pray and worship with a local congregation of believers. “Church” is probably written on my DNA.

I am a part of the church as much as she is a part of me.

But, can we just admit that some of her people do some upside down shit?

Not the good kind of “upside down” like when Jesus flipped tables in the temple.. Or when he said, “the first will be last, the last first.”

I’m talking about Stranger Things, hidden in plain site, corrupt and evil “upside down.”

I grew up in evangelical conservatism. And while parts of it are still as comfortable to me as my favorite chair, there are other parts of that world that seem like a real-life Stranger Things “upside down.”

And here’s the thing. If we can’t recognize and call out the weird shit that’s right in front of our faces, we aren’t being peacekeepers or neutral.

So while I’ve decidedly not started that blog (AND potentially given away a genius idea for someone on the web to create, you’re welcome), I’ve committed to finding a new landing place.

Instead of being angry and silent, I’m trying a new path that includes, but is not limited to, seeking healing and wholeness and thoughtfully looking for opportunities to talk openly about the broken parts of the system I can’t seem to get away from.

After all, I am a part of the church as much as she is a part of me.