Marriage Letters: Once Upon a Time

Dear Adam,
It’s coming up on our 5 year anniversary mark. I’m the one who likes to celebrate these things. I’m the one who keeps count like a little child excited for Christmas morning. Not because of presents, or a night away from the kids (Ok, you know that’s part of it) but because it means we have made it through another thing together. Another year.

Do you remember the letters you wrote when we started dating? My heart would pound in my chest as words poetically melted into each other. I daydreamed about when we would be married. And in my head, that meant days on end of happiness and cuddling.

People told us that it would be so hard. People who really knew. But, I didn’t care. I didn’t even listen much because I thought that if I got to spend forever with you nothing else mattered. No one else, nothing else, could make my heart burn like you did.

Well, big gulps.

I was a wee bit naive.

You still give me butterflies. More than before, even.

But some days are really hard. And we’ve learned that other things do, in fact, matter.

I’ve changed a lot. You made me a mother. And motherhood has grown my heart beyond what I thought possible.
Now, while writing this, I have cried twice just during the remembering. I’ve kissed a crying 3 year old with a toy box injury.

I’ve pulled dirt out of the baby’s mouth. I’ve started and stopped this writing so many times to get through the daily things that I’m not sure I’ll complete it. The things that wear and tear and bring so much joy.

And I anticipate your return more than I ever have. More than I ever did then. Not only because I feel like I can’t survive in the daily without you. But, mostly because you understand finding joy in the dish washing.
You helped me seek Jesus at the beginning of us.
But, you show me Jesus now in the dish washing. And my heart burns so much more.
I’m always yours.
Rachel

 

On the first Monday of every month I will be writing letters with Amber Haines’ “Marriage Letters” series. Go check out her most recent post!